Hi everyone, welcome back to George's venting space:). To start off, a disclaimer. Guys, I'm good. Last time I blogged people sort of got the impression it was a cry for help....? Nope, this is just how I write, I have a sarcastic, self-deprecating, black-humoured tone and I say things that I haven't mentioned in real life, but that's not cause I'm using a website as a platform to get my friends to check in on me! That genuinely isn't my style and I'm conscious enough to know that if I did need mental health help I would go to the Student Health Service, I wouldn't write a blog post about it. That said I did take down the Instagram post advertising the last piece I wrote because I was satisfied that I'd gotten the most views I ever had on this blog, and I was actually proud of it, I think it was well-written as shit (excuse my declining French) but I didn't think someone texting me "are you okay???" half an hour after I uploaded it was a good sign.
The point is my first term at Bristol, like my first week, was super overwhelming. Because of course it was! I just wish someone had told me that! Look, people will tell you "you'll have the best time at uni". I ran into an ex-Bristol student in Fara who said as much to me before I went. And look, maybe that's a valid perspective looking back. The first term is SUCH a hard adjustment though.
It's a walking paradox, to be honest. Some days I'm so surprised at all the work and admin shit I'm doing like a real adult (yeah fucking right, me a real adult?) some days I feel so behind on everything having done...nothing? Do you ever lose your motivation for shit so much that you don't bother to do any of the urgent work you have to do? That's what uni feels like sometimes.
I don't know, Ancient History is a weird course. I actually realised when I was writing my essays that I like the content a lot, but the content FOR those essays can be crammed into 1 or 2 weeks of the entire course. Legitimately let me give you these examples: my three modules this term were Literature, Ancient Historical Writers and Ancient Greece. For the Literature essay you have to reference two primary texts from separate weeks to prove you haven't just shown up once to the entire module, for Ancient Historical Writers you analyse a passage written by either Herodotus or Thucydides (each of which only get two weeks of content in class), and Ancient Greece you either come up with your own question or select one of the listed ones which you can literally go to one week to absolutely ace the module.
Somehow, I THINK I have very little work to do but I'm also constantly behind on the advanced reading they set. That said I do really like the course I just feel a little awkward about it now I've heard the amount of work other people have, and obviously it has no direct career path. It's also not necessarily related to any journalistic career I might have (but don't quote me on this things can easily change), but it's a humanities degree so it's not a huge leap. And finally there's the problem of my own paranoid insecurity ;) meaning I don't feel super smart doing it. I sometimes think if I did English Literature I'd at least feel like a thriving academic. But then again! I realised when I was writing my essays I actually have opinions on the content, and I don't know how well I've done on them, so if I got immediate firsts that would make me feel amazing about the subject.
Moving on, the city of Bristol, as I already knew, is absolutely brilliant, it feels like the more exciting parts (obviously less iconic, but still) of London but all within walking distance of me. Though I never knew I'd miss my zip card so much, or London buses for that matter, but generally everything's accessible and it's got so much of everything, all the green spaces, restaurants, cafes, the harbourside and everything near it, and the clubs, it's all so fun to be near. That said....
I honestly don't really like clubbing. (Most people who know me probably could've guessed this, I'm very predictable.) But I have shitty music taste, so I never vibe to any of the music unless it's a cheesy pop hit, and the experience in general is not that good. You know what I do like? Pre's. Pre's is way more fun because you're getting drunk but actually talking to people. It's like the vibe of a house party. God, how is it that I miss Year 13 so much??
And also, my accommodation, Unite House. Ah, Unite House. The thing is, it looks nice from the outside, the layout of the rooms is fine, it's got a nice modern vibe and it's a great location. It's far from the worst price, but you know what it's not worth paying nearly 6K for? An accommodation where the fire alarm goes off EVERY DAY. Fuck the fact that when I'm trying to work, or trying to sleep, I'm also paranoid that all it takes is someone four floors below me to start vaping and I'm gonna have to wait 5 minutes for the fire alarm to go off. It's kind of sinister how hundreds of people have just learnt to ignore fire alarms, like....that's a little concerning. Also, guys, we have a courtyard. Just make the 1 minute trek.
These are just small things that I think are part of the uni vibe. You're struggling, but you're slaying. (Ugh, yeah, this is between us 50ish people guys, no one else on the Internet knows that I said that.) Point being, I don't think this is really anything out of the ordinary. I'm adapting to buying groceries and making basic pasta dishes, living on my own, being away from my family and I think I'm handling it fine. What my main problem is is socialising, because I am putting myself out there in one sense, like I actually go to the social events at all the societies I'm a member of (yeah my flatmates think I go to too many, and they may have a point) but to properly talk to people I need a couple drinks, and even then there are nights where people are talking and I'm just silently listening in the corner and then it's like "oh, people already have established friend groups, how did that happen?" Spoiler alert, mate, if you don't talk at all it's kinda hard for people to actually get to know you.
The society events are often super fun in fairness, and it's not like I'm saying I have no friends, of course I have some friends. But the way people made out making friends at uni would be so easy was super unhelpful, because it's so unlike making friends at school. You really have to put in an effort (shocking I know) like having conversations with people. I don't really know how different it was at secondary school but the main difference I see is we almost all had something in common, we all had similar things going on given we were a year group who had exams and assemblies and other bullshit events like Sports Day in common. And we were penned into a year group, literally in Year 12 we weren't allowed to leave a certain area so naturally we'd run into the same old people. You're almost crammed into classes so you're forced to make friends. And I feel like at age 11 I didn't have the same insecurities (again, slay) I do now. I have more paranoia that people will suddenly judge me now, maturity amirite:), so it's difficult to pop up and speak to someone when you have half a mind that they dislike you and are too polite to say. I'm exaggerating a little but you get me. And reminder, this is a serious point I'm making, I think it's good to discuss this stuff. One thing I DO think is good at uni is I actually speak to second and third years (well, mostly second years because third years rarely have the time lol, but I could speak to third years is the point).
So in summary, there was good, bad, ugly, mediocre, stressful and fun in my first term at uni, which I imagine will be the hardest to adjust to given it's all new to me. Leaves me pretty excited for next term, to be honest! I know now an optimistic attitude that I'll go in and kill it is naive, but I'm nonetheless hopeful. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals, love you guys:).
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