Yes, I know what I just wrote. Look, guys, hear me out. I know I come across like a cynical, sarcastic badass who-
Can't even finish that sentence it's such a lie. Look, it sucks being alone on Valentine's Day! Even I know this, me who would definitely never have any sort of insecurities about romance and definitely would never be interested in dating anyone ever because I'm too cool to have feelings no further questions okay post over!
Okay, seriously though. This is an actual post with some semi-genuine advice in it. I do, on the one hand, not really believe in Valentine's Day in some senses. I think a lot of it's pretty tacky, definitely commercialised, and nothing at all to do with St Valentine! A quick Google search will tell you this. On the other hand, I think that's a thing a lot of people who...don't have someone to spend Valentine's Day with say for the sake of sounding too cool for it. Like, it's true, but if you weren't single, would it be for you? (How many people have I made uncomfortable just now)
This is the most sincere you'll ever find me, but I do think if I had a romantic partner Valentine's Day would be fun. I don't believe in the excuses to sell cheap merchandise but I do believe in a day to sincerely celebrate your relationship in a way that's not too pressured or forced. People will say, "oh what makes this one day more special you should treat your romantic partner nicely every day" and I think that's true, but I also think that it's not about treating them better it's about doing something romantic that you don’t always have time for; having a nice dinner, watching your favourite movie, eating masses amounts of junk food together (I truly have no idea what couples do, I'm apparently not very good at relationships- and that's as cryptic and Taylor Swiftian I'll ever be about my love life). The point is I think if you're in a relationship Valentine's Day is more about the experience you and your partner share rather than you magically being more affectionate for a single day. That's if you do have a partner.
Which brings us back to our collective bitterness! Kidding, kind of. (Oh, forgot to mention, if you do have someone in your life, this is basically worthless, I've wasted your time.) If you don't have someone in your life and feel crappy about that, this is a guide to make sure that you embrace that crappiness. Yep, it feels shit, but because it feels shit, you can make sure you make the most of your singleness. And no, I don't mean hooking up with people, I mean knowing you're single and watching your love life go down in flames. Being alone on Valentine's Day is soul-crushing but sometimes when the world is on fire you need some popcorn and a comfy chair to go with it and realise that through your existential sobs, you can manage a smile. To quote the genius herself, "it's miserable and magical."
Here are my recommendations for if you don't want things to be better because you're lonely on Valentine's Day, you just want to go down with the ship and drown your sorrows in self-pity.
Go to a shitty club night
Lord knows clubs seem to capitalise off of this so-called "holiday" in order to give their nights a theme that make them slightly more entertaining than usual. Dance your sorrows away, drink too much, be so disoriented that you forget about your loneliness.
Get absolutely hammered
Thoroughly effective to combine with the previously prescribed method, but if you're at a club night you'll probably pre with vodka and I'd honestly prefer some cheap wine to drown my sorrows. Remember, guys "rubbing alcohol treats an outside wound, drinking alcohol treats an inside wound". That's a lie it just makes it worse but it does give a dreamy sense of delirium that is at least something more cathartic than going about your daily business as usual with the misery permeating the back of your brain anyway. At least this way you're, say it with me, embracing it. This can also include some chocolates, although we'll come to the real sad food in a bit, because you can hate yourself on February 15th but this is your non-Valentine's Day. You deserve to celebrate with your significant....self.
Listen to sad music and cry
My superiors (I have none) are telling me I can't reference Taylor Swift for the third time in a post or else people will really think I'm a fan of hers, so um....go listen to someone's music. It's not just her music, don't pretend you don't have a sad playlist. You know who you are. Music may be the food of love, but it's also an emotional rollercoaster which a lot of people can find some comfort in. I don't really give a shit if it's guilty pleasure music you're listening to, you're allowed it. No one is judging you, remember? That's the whole point, there's nobody there to;)
Turn to your pet for comfort
...if you have a pet, and are close to the pet at the time. Honestly though, dogs are so good at cheering people up, I'd genuinely rather spend the day with my dog than most humans...no offence, everyone. With cats, it depends on the mood. With rabbits, depends on how squirmy they are. Or...I don't know, do any of you have, like, an affectionate lizard or something? Cuddle your pets, is the point. Unless they bite. Don't do that.
Watch the Champions League
Yeah this only works if you like football. Or, alternatively, if you don't like football, but you're a masochist! Hooray for masochism! (God, remember when this was just a history blog? Maybe I shouldn't post every thought that crosses my mind so I don't come across like a total weirdo.)
But in fairness, the Champions League is on the night of the 14th and Bayern are playing PSG, that's one of the best defences in Europe versus probably one of the best attacks of all time. Fun if you have a friend to watch with, too, nothing like a platonic night in watching footy(or hey if it turns romantic then congrats).
Cry over a tub of ice cream
Many foods can accompany a good sob. I'm partial to a good cake to comfort myself (my flatmates can testify). There's hot chocolate to soothe your melancholy soul, there's....any kind of junk food really, but the best kind of sobbing food is a classic. I'd personally go for the cheapest knockoff Ben & Jerry's you can find, because it tastes exactly the same but better value. Honestly it's just the right vibe to cry into a tub of ice cream on Valentine's Day. If your tear ducts need loosening, I'm very happy to recommend some sad songs to ease the sobbing process.
So there we go, your guide to singleness on Valentine's Day. What are my plans, you ask? I'm combining the last two. Though probably not at the same time. It'd be harder to enjoy the game.
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